im prettier single

on boyfriend air and post breakup glow

A few years, I saw someone talk about “boyfriend air” and how essentially in a relationship, you become more “chopped” and that their aura reflects off on you.

I never got any romantic attention until I came to university, so at first I didn’t believe it.

These girls were just dating the wrong men, I told myself.

It wasn’t until I started getting romantic attention and dating that I realized that they had the right idea—but wrong explanation.

The wrong man doesn’t magically make you ugly overnight. He doesn’t magically steal your clean skin or make you gain a few pounds.

But what the wrong man can do is so much quieter.

The wrong man will dim your light and sparkle from your eyes. Being around someone who isn’t good for you will start showing over time.

You become quieter, keeping your opinions to yourself.

You stop making jokes.

You overthink every text you send.

You start dressing and acting for them, not for you.

You start hiding qualities of yourself because you feel they aren’t appreciated.

You spend so much energy trying to be enough for them that you stop being yourself.

From my few dating experiences, I never felt less beautiful than when I was trying to convince the wrong person my worth.

Ironically, I always felt prettier after it ended.

Before I got into a relationship, I never got ache. My face was clear, my mood was brighter, and I felt more confident in my body than I ever have before.

During the honeymoon phase, I never felt happier. Everything felt more exciting, convinced I finally found the love I’ve been longing for.

But as the relationship changed, so did I.

What once was the happiest I’ve felt with someone quickly turned into the opposite.

I became anxious.

Depressed.

I spent hours decoding messages, wondering if the period at the end of the sentence meant more than what it was.

Wondering if I was too much or too little. I cared more whether he loved me than if I loved myself.

When you’re living in a moment of uncertainty, it has a way of showing up. Maybe not for everyone, but it did for me.

I looked in a mirror and saw a girl who was exhausted. A girl who’s light in her eyes disappeared in a flash. Someone carrying the weight of trying to be enough for a person who didn’t deserve her.

Then the relationship ended.

And as weeks passed, I noticed something unexpected.

I laughed more.

I started dressing for myself again.

I got out of my dorm and made more friends.

I stopped waiting for my phone to light up.

I got back into my hobbies again.

I felt like me again.

Maybe I’m not prettier single. Maybe the lesson I learned is I just look prettier because I’m no longer abandoning myself to be loved by someone else. The right relationship shouldn’t steal your whimsy and your light—it should make it impossible to miss.